Hello! Some of you noticed I’ve been quite inactive for the past two weeks or so. That is very much true. I was telling myself it’s because I was super busy (and I was), but I’m sure I could’ve fit an hour of writing a blog post into my schedule if I wanted to. Except I didn’t.
I was making more excuses – for example I don’t know what to write about or I’m in Amsterdam, I’m not going to work while being here or I will write something tomorrow. The truth is (and I’m not proud of it, but it’s part of me, so whatever) I had few blog post ideas in my head, I was working on other projects in Amsterdam and I know myself quite well to know that ‘tomorrow’ is just and plain excuse. Then I started feeling anxious and ‘depressed’ and sad and tired and I just didn’t feel like writing anything (I checked my period calendar and it’s PMS, to be honest). I was telling my amazing boyfriend about my feelings for two days and he was so lovely, so he was there for me and listened to me. But yesterday, when I told him I’m in a bad mood again and that it lasts for four days now and I don’t like it, he asked me if he can give me some advice. ‘Sure,’ I said. ‘Write something.’ was his answer. As simple as this. And then I realised… Of course. I always tell him how writing on my blog can improve my mood and make me smile and happy. And he remembered and reminded me, so here I am, sitting in the kitchen in my favourite HP dressing gown from Primark and writing this post. And I can tell you, I already feel so much better. The sun came out and it’s weekend and even though I need to write at least 10 pages of my diploma thesis to school, I feel better.
But don’t get me wrong. I love what I’m doing, I love teaching those little ones ballet. I went to conservatory twice this week to work with 16-years old students and teach them my little choreography I have to show for my diploma thesis and I absolutely love that! But that’s just something special about writing that can make me happy and I love it I don’t even know why. It’s like when you love someone so much, you don’t know why. But you do and that is important.
I never knew what I wanted to do. I always knew what I don’t want. But when I told someone, they said: ‘Okay, but what do you want then?’ And I said: ‘I don’t know.’ ‘So what now?’ And that was it. Of course I didn’t know what I wanna do and what I like doing, when the only thing I did my whole life was dancing. And I love dancing, just not that much as my friends or classmates. I wouldn’t mind doing it for living, because it’s a huge part of my life and as I said, I absolutely love it. But beside that, I would have to write as well. Even if it’s one blog post per week. I know I won’t be happy without it. When, few years ago, I realised I actually don’t know what I want to do, I started thinking about it. I was trying to remember what I did when I was a kid. Because when you’re a child, you do things that make you happy and everyone lets you, because you’re a child. I remembered I was always drawing and writing and making these little poems and played with Barbies and my dolls and always made up stories and read books. And by thinking about it, I slowly realised I had it in front of me the whole time. I have tons and tons of notebooks with stories I started to write and never finished. And suddenly it hit me! Of course, I have that special thing with books and writing! And making stories. But when I told people I want to be a writer, they would look at me and asked me: ‘Did you ever write something?’ or ‘Did you ever send some of your stories to the school magazine or local newspaper?’ And I didn’t, because we didn’t have school magazine and I didn’t know I can send something to newspaper. No teacher told me ever. ‘Then what do you want? Stop it, just do what you do for 8 years, you’re not going to waste that many years of doing something, are you?’ So people basically told me to ‘break up’ with something that’s as important to me as breathing. Except I didn’t know it back then, because I never tried serious writing. But it wasn’t their fault, I’m not blaming anyone. I didn’t have luck with dancing, I don’t dance anywhere, only on some projects of my friends. One night I decided I’m going to try writing and founded my first blog. It doesn’t exist anymore, but I have all the posts saved. But it was just on this Coffee Break with Nia blog I started posting seriously and being active. Well, most of the time. I’m 23 and I always felt like I’m very childish and I guess I just had to grow up to be capable to take writing seriously. And I’m still learning of course. But I’m getting there. And I’m proud of myself I was able to find something that makes me happy and sooner or later letting it be huge part of my life.
Thank you so much for reading if you have endured to the end and don’t forget you deserve to be happy by doing what makes you happy. Thank you honey for reminded me the importance of doing what I love, I love you. Have a beautiful weekend and following week and I hope I’ll see you soon,
Love, Nia … xoxo