I’m sure a lot of you can relate. We know people don’t like us, but they don’t hate us. They just take us as we are. Most of the times they forget about us, but if we happen to meet with them, we always have something in common and something to talk about. I don’t know what I’ve done to be the middle and I suspect I didn’t do anything, I was just born that way. It wasn’t always like this. Or I should say – I didn’t always realize this. My family treated me like princess since I was born because I was the first girl among all the boys – my brother and my three boy cousins. Everyone was just so happy there’s a girl in the family. I didn’t realize I am the invisible middle while being in kindergarten and primary school. But then came the conservatory. I went to dance conservatory for eight years and nobody ever listened to me. Teachers sometimes did because I always had good grades and did my work the best I could but my classmates? When I made some joke, nobody laughed. They didn’t even hear it! But when someone accidentally heard the joke I made and that person told it out loud… EVERYONE BURST TO LAUGH! And I was standing there like WTF just happened. But I guess I got used to it. I don’t like it, of course, but what should I do? I do have some close friends who listen to me and occasionally laugh at my jokes and… well, just listening is a big deal to me. My danced teachers always told me after the exams: I didn’t even noticed you in there! I mean… They were the ones to grade me! How could they not notice me?! It’s they’re job, isn’t it? Whatever. But I got noticed on stage. At least I was told. People noticed me on stage. Teachers told me how I was on stage. That means I got noticed, right? And I loved and still love being on stage to be truly honest. It feels so free and I like people’s attention and love to entertain people. I love being on stage for the audience. Of course it has pros and cons. For example I hate practicing so I actually can go on stage. I never felt comfortable showing off what I got in me in class. I simply saved it for stage, but not on purpose. It’s just something I do subconsciously. My teachers used to be very mad at me for not practising properly in class and then showing it all on stage. I don’t know. I feel so comfortable on stage that it feels exactly the same as practice. But I still feel uncomfortable in real life. In the group of my classmates or friends who don’t listen to me. Even my family don’t listen what I’m saying anymore (and sometimes I repeat the same question for three times and still nothing). In the group of classmates or friends who just keeps forgetting to invite me for parties or meetings. I don’t blame them because it’s not their fault. Someone has to be the invisible middle. And I do have a group of people who never forget about me and I’m really thankful for them because it’s truly shitty feeling when you’re overlooked at least once a day… I hope it’s not your case and if it is after all, just know you’re not alone and there’s someone out there feeling exactly the same!
I’m that type of person who is always invisible for others. Everyone keeps forgetting I exist. They never invite me to a party. They never text me for my birthday. I know they don’t mean in. If I got invited from some of my closest friends, others are always happy I’m there. It’s just… I am the invisible middle.
Love, Nia … xoxo